The Love Map Questionnaire

This questionnaire is taken from The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work:  A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert by John M. Gottman, PhD., and Nan Silver.

The purpose of the exercise is to get an idea of the level of how well you know your partner.  Each person completes the questionnaire and then scores the responses using the key at the end of the questionnaire.

  1. I can name my partner’s best friends. T F
  2. I can tell you what stresses my partner is currently facing. T F
  3. I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately. T F
  4. I can tell you some of my partner’s life dreams. T F
  5. I am very familiar with my partner’s religious beliefs and ideas. T F
  6. I can tell you about my partner’s philosophy of life. T F
  7. I can list the relatives my partner likes the least. T F
  8. I know my partner’s favourite music. T F
  9. I can list my partner’s three favourite movies. T F
  10. My spouse is familiar with my current stresses. T F
  11. I know the three most special times in my partner’s life. T F
  12. I can tell you the most stressful thing that happened to my partner as a child. T F
  13. I can list my partner’s major aspirations and hopes in life. T F
  14. I know my partner’s major current worries. T F
  15. My spouse knows who my friends are. T F
  16. I know what my partner would want to do if he or she suddenly won the lottery. T F
  17. I can tell you in detail my first impressions of my partner. T F
  18. Periodically I ask my partner about his or her world right now. T F
  19. I feel that my partner knows me pretty well. T F
  20. My spouse is familiar with my hopes and aspirations. T F

Scoring:  Give yourself 1 point for each ‘true’ answer.

10 or higher:  This is an area of strength in your relationship.  You have a fairly detailed map of your partner’s everyday life, hopes, fears and dreams.  Try not to take this knowledge and understanding for granted.  Spend time on a regular basis, continuing to stay emotionally connected.

Below 10:  Your relationship could use some improvement in this area.  Your love maps have become outdated as your lives have changed.  By taking the time to learn more about your partner now, your relationship will be given the opportunity to become stronger.

For more love map fun, check out the 20 Questions Love Map Game.